Redeem now It's 2018 and the old-fashioned method of slicing a banana just doesn't cut it anymore.
Since 2011, Amazon reviewers have been leaving hilarious and sarcastic comments on this unnecessary Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. Five years later and the running joke is still going strong.
For whatever reason, people really love to hate on this $4 banana-shaped product — at the time of this post, it has nearly 5,600 Amazon reviews, the majority of which are comical or sarcastic.
There are even short stories and some poems written in the reviews. Here are some of the best.
Let's start with the top positive review.
"No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!" by SW3K:
"For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. 'Use a knife!' they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. 'Shoot it with a gun!' Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theater and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.
"Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon."
This is the top critical review.
"Angle is wrong" by Jim Anderson:
"I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slicer is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way."
Here's the review that started it all, way back in 2011.
"GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" by elven:
"I can't believe I have wasted the first 35 years of my existence on this earth by not having this wonderful banana slicer. All this time I have been standing there at the kitchen counter like a complete IDIOT wasting countless seconds slicing my bananas with a knife. A KNIFE!!!! Can you believe how foolish I was? Listen. This banana slicer will change your life. After slicing a banana, or two, or three (hell slice as many as you want — it takes no time at all) you will feel like you have honey badger blood flowing through your veins and have Charlie Sheen DNA."
Many users joked about how excited they were to be moving on from their old, slow methods of slicing bananas.
"Life Saver!" by John The Carpenter:
"No longer shall I have to disturb my families' slumber using my laser guided compound mitre saw to cut precision banana slices!"
"Such a time saver" by lloydravn:
"No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, banana slicer!"
"Perfect gift" by Augustinmarch:
"I cut a banana with a knife yesterday and I felt so worn out and lethargic. Banana slicing the old fashioned way can really wear a person out. Luckily I have the worlds greatest BFF who knew just what I needed and bought me the slicer! I actually have enough energy now to eat my banana after I slice it! Great friend, must have product!"
But not all purchasers were pleased with the product.
"Don't believe the lie" by r3ronald:
"Description clearly states 'Great for cereal.' However, my experience subjecting cereal to the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer left me with nothing more than a milk-sodden shirt and bitter remorse."
"Poor" by Sean:
"After slicing the banana, I find it frustrating to THEN have to peel each individual banana slice. I find this both time consuming and very disappointing."
There are hundreds of pages of reviews you can sift through next time you have a spare four or five hours.
And at only $3.72, it's probably worth the purchase to find out for yourself whether or not the product can change your life.
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