Sorry, budget bookers and buffet habitués — the time has come to stop pretending that cruise ships are anything but overcrowded nightmare tanks filled with unhealthy food and alarmingly common occurrences of sewage overflow.
For all the reasons booking a cruise might seem enticing, we have a counter-argument for why you should abandon ship.
Here are 21 reasons why cruises are the worst.
This story is available exclusively to Business Insider subscribers. Become an Insider and start reading now. Have an account? Log in.Drinking is an integral part of cruise culture, but it comes at a price.
Food and some non-alcoholic beverages are typically included in the overall package, but that doesn't mean your cruise is all-inclusive; expect to pay for alcohol at a standard restaurant price-point, and don't try to sneak in your own booze — you're not the first genius to come up with this plan, and there are due procedures in place to prevent you from succeeding.
Even if you do book an all-you-can-drink cruise, know that most cruises will still find ways to charge you. Anticipate paying extra for premium alcohols, or shelling out cash for hidden service charges.
You'll end up spending way more money than you planned on.
Some cruises are cashless, and allow you to charge purchases back to your room — all fun and games, until you look at your bank account and realize you spent a half-month's rent on drinks without even realizing it.
If one person gets a virus, you're probably getting a virus.
Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention demonstrates that virus outbreaks aren't uncommon. In 2017, for example, more than 500 passengers fell ill on two Royal Caribbean's cruise ships.
Food poisoning isn't off the table.
Here's an unappetizing statistic: According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, around one in 10 cruise ship guests contracted a gastrointestinal illness between the years 2008 to 2014. For context, that's 129,678 people.
You're paying to spend your entire vacation trapped on a glorified floating mall.
Although some do have wild amenities.
Wi-Fi is obscenely expensive.
Prepaid bundles can range anywhere from $24 an hour to $.75 a minute. That adds up.
Cruise cabins are often cramped.
Unless you're paying a premium for a suite, rooms can be pretty small and basic.
You'll pay more if you're traveling solo.
While some cruise lines offer single occupancy cabins — such as Royal Caribbean — many will charge you a single supplement that can be anywhere from 10% to 100% of your original cruise fare if you're booking solo.
You could get stuck at sea.
Around 20,000 cruise ship passengers were stranded at sea after Hurricane Harvey hit in 2017.
People go overboard ...
According to CruiseJunkie.com, 304 people have gone overboard on cruises between 2000 and 2018.
A report released for the Cruise Lines International Association (CLIA) in 2016 by the cruise industry consulting firm G.P. Wild claims that 19 people go overboard while aboard a cruise ship or ferry every year.
... and missing.
As many as 200 people have reportedly disappeared on cruise ships since the year 2000, according to an estimate by Dr. Ross Klein, author of "Cruise Ship Blues: The Underside of the Cruise Ship Industry."
You hardly have time to explore the designated locale(s).
Oh, were you planning on actually exploring the various destinations at a leisurely pace? Sorry — the standard port stops range from around five to nine hours.
It can get extremely crowded.
Just say no if you're claustrophobic or averse to hordes of strangers encroaching on your personal space.
Dangerous operational mishaps do occasionally occur...
According to a recent report from research firm G.P. Wild, approximately 60 people per year are injured on cruise ships due to "operational mishaps," which can range from small fires on the ship to actual explosions, as well as collisions, or ships sinking or getting stranded.
In fact, a casino cruise ship caught fire with 50 passengers aboard in January 2018; additionally, a Royal Caribbean cruise ship caught fire in the Mediterranean in October of 2015.
... and so do unhygienic ones.
After the Carnival Triumph cruise ship caught fire and subsequently lost power in the Gulf of Mexico in 2013, the plumbing system pooped out — literally. Passengers were subjected to raw sewage "running down the walls and floors," which inspired the media to nickname the debacle, "The Poop Cruise."
You can be stuck paying for the entire cruise if you don't cancel it way, way in advance.
Airlines will typically charge you anywhere from $150 to $250 for changing or canceling your flight without insurance. Miss a cruise, however, and you're not only eating the cost of the entire trip, but you're probably eating the cost of the excursions and hotels that were part of the cruise package if you don't cancel way in advance (like, 90 days in advance).
And seasickness and nausea can strike at any moment.
While there's no real way to predict whether or not you'll get seasick, know that it happens to the best of us. "There’s no way to prevent motion sickness 100 percent," said Dr. Art Diskin, the global chief medical officer at Royal Caribbean Cruises.
Seasickness isn't fatal, per se, but its side effects — which include nausea, stomach cramps, and vomiting — aren't glamorous.
You see the same people everywhere.
Cruise ships are smaller than they seem, so you better be on your best behavior. You don't want to insult someone and then have to stare them in the face for the next four to seven days.
If you miss your ship, you could be without all of your belongings until you catch up to your cruise, or have them shipped ... for a price.
Your cruise won't wait for you, so say good-bye to your belongings if you get caught up and don't make it back to the ship while in port on time.
In the event you do find yourself stranded, most cruise lines have agents stationed in the port area who will assist you in making travel arrangements so you can catch up to your cruise at the next stop. If all else fails, you can call and arrange to have your belongings shipped to you after the cruise concludes — but it won't be cheap.
Cruise ships pollute the environment.
Not only can cruise ships generate the same amount of sulfur dioxide fumes as 13.1 million cars in a day, but they also dump boatloads of noxious bilge water into the ocean.
And they might not be a luxurious as you imagined.
The older and more discounted the cruise, the higher the chance it's going to feature outdated décor that might even border on tacky. A higher price point buys you nicer interior and surroundings.
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